Am I Crazy?

Imagine a pendulum with me. A pendulum is an object that swings back and forth on a string. It moves freely from side to side – never remaining still. According to Google, a pendulum can be used to refer to the “tendency of a situation to oscillate between one extreme and another.” It could almost be described as a clocklike motion of endless movement. A pendulum will remain in motion unless it is acted upon by an outside force. 

Our class recently created individual self-portraits. One goal behind this project was to invite the class into our individual minds, personalities, feelings. I created a pendulum to illustrate how my brain sometimes operates. Similarly to a pendulum, my mind can swing quickly between two seemingly opposing ideas. My mind is constantly at work. Thinking. Analyzing. Questioning. I wrote this poem as a way to invite my classmates into the inner workings of my mind.

Pendulum

My mind is a pendulum.

Constantly swinging back and forth.

Back and forth.

Back and forth. 

 

My mind questions my true worth.

Am I too little? Or am I too much?

Too little or too much?

Too little or too much?

 

I swing between pride rock and false humility.

My inner voice tells me that I am better than everyone. But also that I am capable of nothing.

 

This constant swinging is exhausting. Am I crazy? Unsteady? Confused?

 

The only solution seems to be to move faster.

Swing between the sides quicker. Avoid spending too much time on either extreme.

They're both dangerous.

 

Move. Move. Move.

Faster and faster.

Swing. Swing. Swing. 

Faster and faster.

 

BUT GOD.

God has a different solution. And it's abrupt.

Stop. Cease. Quit striving.

"Abide in me, my child. Abide in me and be free."

 

Because the only true way to find balance is to stop. To be still. To rest.

 

Stability is stillness.

And my equilibrium is found when I am still with Him.

The Lord has been teaching me that my mind is a gift. He reminds me that he created me and my mind. He says that it is beautiful. And it has been a really sweet journey coming in to agreement with Him.

My friend, you were created with intention. Your mind is beautiful. Balance comes from stillness with Him. Allow your string to quit moving & just rest with the Lord. He will help you find equilibrium. 

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